


These darn heterosexuals

by mottal



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2014-11-29
Packaged: 2018-02-27 09:33:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2687846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mottal/pseuds/mottal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So, you’re constantly reading heterosexual porn, but...you’re gay.” </p><p>Kakashi flicked his eyes up from his “heterosexual porn” with a decidedly bored glance at Iruka. “Yeah, pretty much.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	These darn heterosexuals

**Author's Note:**

> This story is basically crack! Or maybe just humor based, im not too clear on the definition of crack... But I ship this couple to the moon and back so it's a little serious, i had fun with this one!

“So, you’re constantly reading heterosexual porn, but...you’re gay.” 

Kakashi flicked his eyes up from his “heterosexual porn” with a decidedly bored glance at Iruka. “Yeah, pretty much.”

All the Shinobi in the bar were staring at the two of them, out of the corner of his eye Kakashi saw Ibiki had a defeated look on his face, and passed a hefty looking amount of money to a sly looking Anko. “I knew it! I knew it, I told you, Ibiki, I told you!” Ibiki just mumbled incoherently, a string of “yeah, yeahs.” 

They’d been betting on his sexuality, then? How charming. 

“But...why?” Iruka looked so puzzled, it was kinda cute. 

“Why am I gay? Well,” He lifted his index finger to rub against his masked lip thoughtfully, “When I look at men…”

Iruka was beat red, “NO! No...that’s not what I meant!” He was shouting. He looked absolutely mortified. Kakashi was grateful for the mask because it hid his wide smirk. 

“Calm down, Iruka, I know what you meant.” Holding his Icha Icha novel up in front of his face, he said, “You were asking why I read this, right?”

Iruka was still red as an apple, “...yeah.” He looked like he wanted this conversation to be done and over with already. 

Lowering the Icha Icha novel kakashi said in complete seriousness, “I was never lying when I said I read this series for the plot.” The silence was broken by Anko’s howling laughter and the chuckles of several other Jounin. If possible, Iruka looked even more mortified than before. 

“Now, can you imagine if I went around reading my preferred brand of porn? I don’t know if I’d have that kind of control over myself, to be honest.” He couldn’t quite keep the teasing tone out of his voice, just to make his point he waggled his eyebrows, even if only one was visible, and winked, even though it could be misconstrued as blinking. 

At this point the entire bar was howling, it wasn’t widely known to all, but his close comrades knew Kakashi was a cheeky bastard. Iruka looked like he wanted to be somewhere far, far away. “What’s wrong, Iruka, am I making you uncomfortable?”

“N-no...not at all, Kakashi...I just…”

“So! Kakashi!” Anko interrupted loudly, “I have a question for you.” She leaned forwards and said in a mock whisper, “What’s...your preferred type?” 

Iruka started inching out of his stool next to kakashi, slapping a hand on the chunin’s shoulder, keeping him in place, Kakashi started talking. “My prefered type...hm…” The whole bar was holding their breath, this was the juiciest gossip in town, the Legendary Kakashi rarely talked about himself, this whole night had been a gem. “Well...tall, muscular, talented, they have to be able to keep up with me, or ahem, _rival_ me, you might say.” Glancing up, he saw a few faces begin to change, Anko and Ibiki seemed to be the first to start to realize. This was getting fun. “Also, Black hair and eyes so dark they look black is a plus for me, you’d think I’d go for the cool, quiet type, but actually I prefer the loud type, it contrasts my personality nicely.” More faces started to change with understanding, Kakashi was openly smiling now, time for the final blow. “I didn’t realize this until recently, but I’m actually rather into bowl cuts.” Iruka let out a very unmanly screech, and fell out of his chair. The whole bar exploded into understanding. This was the most fun Kakashi had had in years. And it was about to get even better. 

Familiar foot steps came up behind him and the whole bar went silent, eyes trained on the person behind him. A large hand clapped onto Kakashi’s shoulder, and a booming voice in his ear said, “Ah! So you’ve told them, rival?” 

Iruka was still on the ground, stuttering “G-G- GAI!? It’s Gai? You’re dating GAI?” Then muttering under his breath, just loud enough for the whole bar to hear, “you’re gay for Gai...” The whole bar exploded into laughter, including Kakashi and Gai. Kakashi saw Gai out of the corner of his eye, getting into his “nice guy” pose, giving Iruka a thumbs up, he said at the top of his lungs, “that’s right, Iruka! We are absolutely gay for each other!” Kakashi wasn’t embarrassed at all. 

Something that not many people knew about Gai, even his closest comrades, was that he was equal to Kakashi in the “little shit” category. Pulling Kakashi up out of his seat as only Gai was able to do, he sent a somewhat lewd wink aimed at everyone in the bar and said “let’s go, rival, we’ve got a busy night ahead of us.” Kakashi couldn’t help laughing out loud. 

Just before they left the stunned-into-silence bar, Kakashi caught out of the corner of his eye a very, very disgruntled looking Ibiki handing over another pile of cash to a shark grinned Anko. She was really making bank off of Kakashi’s private life.


End file.
